Farewell to My Friend Terra

Terra, our dear little red heeler

I knew this day would come, but somehow I didn't know it would feel quite this bad. I just got back from the vet and had to have Terra put down. She had been declining slowly from age for awhile but was abruptly unable to walk at all or even sit up, and the vet said she had probably suffered a stroke. The awful part was that she was fully conscious and feeling very frustrated and helpless. Indeed, I could feel her little heart pounding; maybe she was scared.

The vet told me it would be the humane thing to do and I believe it was.

I stayed with her, of course, and that was hard enough, but I  had no idea how horribly bereft I would feel afterwards.

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I am in our house now, the first time back without her, and empty takes on a whole new meaning.Miranda was just a little girl when we got Terra, and long after Miranda grew up and moved away, Terra remained our faithful little companion. She was perpetually enthusiastic, incapable of meanness, and no one will ever be as happy to see me as she was, always, no matter how unworthy and indifferent I had been.

It will be a long time before I stop expecting to look down and see her following me around the house.

Terra was a sweet, sweet soul who taught me more about loyalty and forgiveness and affection and exuberance and sheer love of life than any guru ever could.

She reminded me daily not to wallow in the mire, nudging me out in the morning and night whether I felt like it or not, inviting me to tend to needs other than my own.

She showed me the lightness in never holding a grudge, the joy of alertness to sights, smells, and sounds, the way every moment might be a new adventure no matter what just happened.Terra made it clear that playfulness doesn't necessarily disappear with age, and if you're feeling frisky, act on it.

She showed me, too, that when someone gives you love, you should accept it, giddily and without question. Lean back and lap it up -- why not?

Maybe I'll write more about Terra another time. She was with us for nearly thirteen years.Right now I just need to get used to this.I didn't know how much a dog gets into your heart.