Hold Fast, Dear Ones

Let’s get this straight. An impeached president refuses to commit to a peaceful transition of power, one of the most fundamental tenets of our democracy, and is doing his best to suppress votes and sow seeds of doubt about the election. An impeached president under investigation for fraud and sexual assault in multiple courts is being allowed to nominate a Supreme Court justice with life tenure. An impeached president is arguing in court to take away healthcare from millions of Americans in the middle of a pandemic that’s raging out of control and destroying our economy due to his lies and incompetence. An impeached president who has been fleecing our country of millions of taxpayer dollars daily, who is in collusion with Russia, who has incited violence, who lies constantly, who defies science, who has waged an ongoing war on the free press, whose policies are racist and xenophobic, who demeans women and mocks the disabled, who has done all he can to undermine environmental safeguards, who has befriended dictators and offended allies, who has abandoned hard-won international treaties and agreements, who has appointed completely unqualified cronies to important positions in an effort to destroy our institutions and enrich his own coffers, and who has made meanness, ignorance, and ugliness the trademarks of the office…this so-called president has essentially declared his intent to rule as a dictator.

And the really sickening part is that this is fine and dandy with many members of Congress, and there are millions in his cult. I think of this nation, with all its magnificence and flaws, and I think of its history and ideals, all the struggle and sacrifice, all the triumph and aspiration…can you imagine throwing everything away for Donald Trump? It defies belief.

Maybe there are ordinary people in my own life who voted for him once because they were misguided. If any of them still believe he cares about them or is worthy of their vote, I don’t even want to know them. We are watching, in real time, a blatant attempt to dismantle our democracy, corrupt the election, create chaos, and install a fascist dictatorship.  

It's horrifying to feel so constantly horrified. On the other hand, maybe it's an honor to be alive in this pivotal moment of history. Maybe this is the chance to bear witness and make a difference in a way few generations have. This can be a true reaffirmation of our values and a much needed overhaul of the system.

How? What do we do? First and foremost, we need to remember that feeling hopeless is not allowed. Banish the thought! A sense of powerlessness and futility is exactly what trump and his cabal want to create in us. He would like for us to become so discouraged, disillusioned, and cynical, that we just give up. But as writer-hero Rebecca Solnit has written, “Hope is not optimism that everything will be fine, but an embrace of the uncertainty about what will happen and a commitment to try to shape it, to bend that arc toward justice.”

The outcomes are not predetermined. We need to view hope as space for possibility, a space within which there is room to act. There are many of us, we far outnumber them, and despite the defects of the archaic electoral system, there is strength in those numbers. Let’s be stubborn, and vociferous, and mighty. We can speak out in so many situations, and act consistent with our values. I'm trying to fight back in my own little ways, writing postcards to voters in other states, making financial donations, encouraging friends. I know others are doing these things and more, staring down the anguish and anxiety.

I keep dreaming a very old dream in which I am trying to call my father. I can't recall the number, and I dial the operator and beg for her help locating him, and I even recite my childhood phone number, which I woke up remembering, and tell the operator that he would never have gone away without leaving some way of reaching him...it cannot be. In the dream, I want mostly to reassure him that I turned out okay after all, but I think there's also a regressive element. He was my hero. He made things okay. It's so hard to be a grown-up now, maybe even harder to be a kid, and that part breaks my heart. But I know that no one saves us. We have to save ourselves and look after one another.

Walking, as always, is my personal therapy, a way of staying strong and centered. The sandstone rock formation is a church. A bobcat has been hanging around. My tiny pomegranate tree has yielded fruit, and the oaks I planted from acorns have already grown into impressive seedlings. My grandson in England has fat cheeks that I want to kiss, and someday I will. I believe joy is a necessary tonic, and that poetry and kindness matter. It's scary to think what will happen if we lose this election or if the process is completely undermined, but again, I think fear is exactly what he wants to instill in us. So let us be unafraid.

It is summarized succinctly by Zarina Zabrisky, a Russian-born American writer who has done research on propaganda, the connections between Trump and Russia, hybrid war, the "mafia state" and global alt-right movements: “He is trying his best to defeat us by destroying our morale, and it is up to each of us to stay calm, keep going, and fight back.”

I am not going to convince anyone who doesn’t already see what is happening. And it’s silly to be here preaching to the choir. I guess the purpose of this post is to say thank you to all who are on the team, resisting in the ways that you can, and thank you for voting, and thank you for caring. The purpose of this post is to urge you to hang on, and to remember you are not alone. I am filled with love and gratitude for all who are rising to this occasion.