Love and Anxiety

The morning erupted in song…a chorus of coyotes accompanied by a burly pair of bombastic bulls whose bugling, bellowing, and occasional head-butting have entertained us for weeks. (As cattle woman Sue says, “I sure hope that in addition to all that vocalizing, they’re doing their business.” By which she means impregnating some of the lady-cows in the herd.)

I jumped up and ran outside for a better listen, but was stunned instead by the dazzle of dawn, rising in glowing pink hues above the hills. Meanwhile, beneath the loudest layers of sound, a back-up crew of frogs and quail and insects croaked and chirped and buzzed. Scents of macadamia blossoms, sage, and grasses wafted up to my nostrils, and the citrus trees radiated with oranges, grapefruit and lemons, a bright array of miniature suns. Life spilled over in great abundance, and I was transfixed.

Quick detour into a pleasant aspect of technology: a video chat with my faraway daughter to wish her happy birthday. And she did seem happy, and that’s good enough for me.

And then, off to the trailhead for a hike up to Gaviota Peak with the intrepid gals of the Santa Ynez Valley Women’s Hikers. The weather has been weirdly warm, like summer in February, and that long slog up the fire road was harder than usual. And I’ve said this before, but I love those women. They are strong and sturdy, broken and mended, and they look out for one another; they are of all shapes and sizes and decidedly not-young, and they’re not aspiring to be Patagonia catalog models or social media show-offs––they simply and sincerely love to be outdoors hiking, and they’re grateful that they can do it.

The blissful part of the walk was the descent. We took a meandering side trail with breathtaking views of the coast, at one point looking straight down onto Highway 101, where the Gaviota pass is guarded by a stone sentinel familiar to locals, and on the northbound side is the famous tunnel. Along the trail, ceanothus–California lilac–were in lush bloom, in blue and white. And wildflowers were plentiful: lupine, poppies, shooting stars, Indian paintbrush, blue dicks (go ahead and giggle), morning glory…and others, too, “born to blush unseen”, as Thomas Grey might say.

Lest you think I am a mindless fool, I hereby acknowledge that we are living in scary times right now, a dystopian novel coming true, right down to apocalyptic climate change, with a pandemic thrown in. Cruelty and injustice are rampant. The highest office in our land is held by––I don’t even know what to call him, though many adjectives come to mind, in no particular order: grotesque, ignorant, arrogant, incompetent, corrupt, despicable, repulsive, embarrassing, narcissistic, petty, inarticulate, ungracious, amoral, destructive, hypocritical, lying, nasty, unfit, exploitive, paranoid, gullible, incoherent, scary, ridiculous, bizarre. I’m sure there are plenty of others. I wish I could hit upon just the right phrase and never have to say his name. I rather like Cheeto Jesus, since he apparently believes he is the Chosen One. Trumplethinskin, Drumpf, or Commander-in-Chief Bone Spurs also have their appeal.

But nothing he does should surprise us. What shocks and sickens me most of all is the complete abdication of the Republican party (which, let’s face it, doesn’t really exist anymore in terms of its original ideals and principles…it is about indecent power and greed, nothing more.) With the enablement of Mitch McConnell and the GOP, we are watching the dismantling of our democracy and its institutions, and a disturbingly fast shift to authoritarianism. As Sarah Kendzior put it, “This is a transnational crime syndicate masquerading as a government.”

I still say it is not too late. We cannot and will not allow this beautiful experiment of democracy, flawed as it is, to whimper to a close at the hands of such unworthy villains. I admit, it’s discouraging. I see our Democratic candidates in a circular firing squad right now, and egomaniacal Bernie (and his loyal army) seem to believe he will be our salvation. Oh dear. So misguided. And yet, I still hope and believe it will sort itself out, and we will not be stupid. And I’ll vote Blue, no matter who, but oh, we have a lot of work ahead of us.

And we cannot allow big business interests to trump our stewardship of earth and sacred places. There is so much beauty, so much wonder, so much life. How blessed we are to bear witness! But with this privilege, there comes the duty to do what we can to protect what matters. Let’s pay attention. Let’s speak out and reach out. Even the smallest deeds can help. Kindness, education, truth, and constructive local action can have a ripple effect.

A walk is nice too, and watching how morning begins. Notice it all. Tuck it snugly into your heart.